The Light Beyond The Darkness
by hAbIrAbI
Summary: Tragedy strikes and one of the characters dies. The other characters have to face their feelings and their pain. Especially Lucas is affected by this loss. Will he be able to overcome the darkness that he is falling into? How will they all live afterwards
1. Chapter 1: The Fall

**Chapter 1**

**Lucas voiceover:**

_Do __you__ sometimes__ find __yourself__ thinking._

_Thinking __about__ hope__ and__ despair__, happiness__ and __sadness__, love__ and __hate, __life __and__ death. __They __are __exact__ opposites.__ It __seems__ paradox __to__ put __them__ so __close __together_

_But __then__ one __day __the__ seemingly__ impossible __happens__. Hope __turns __into __despair,__happiness __into __sadness, __love __into __hate__ and __life __into __death. __One __moment, __one __event __and __your __world __turns __upside__ down. __Then __you__ wonder __how__ things__ so __distinctly__ different __can __be__ so __close __to__ one __another._

_You__ finally __realise __how__ fragile __the __things __that __you__ hold __dear__ in __your __life__ really __are._

_And__ in __this __moment__ you __can __either__ fight __or__ fall __into __the__ Darkness._

_-----------  
_

There he sat leaning against the wall. All alone by himself. Tears were running down his cheeks. He had been sitting and crying for a long time now. He didn't know how long he had already been there. He didn't care either. It didn't matter to him. Right now nothing really mattered. All that did matter right now was his pain. His pain and his anger.

„How could you do this to me? How could you just leave me?" He screamed.

He heard a voice in his mind answering. „Yea how could she leave you. Oh wait. Yes, it was **your** fault. She is gone because of **you**."

„But but I didn't mean for this to happen." He stammered as guilt added to his grief.

The mean voice answered again „Of course you didn't mean for it to happen. You never mean to put the people around you into these situations that you cause."

He heard the voice laughing and mocking him.

„You know for someone who believes that he is bright you are really stupid. You always put the people you love into these situations. Situations in which they have no choice but to leave or hate you. In every single of these situations you had so many options. You could have prevented the hurt you invoked on these people that you love.

Until now you were lucky. You said sorry and asked for forgiveness and eventually they forgave you. Never did you push any of them so far that they didn't come back around.

Until now. Bravo man. Finally you have pushed someone so far that she will never come back." The voice said and laughed at him mockingly.

„Oh yea, I know that you are still in denial. You still pray that she will come back. But you know she won't. She is gone. She is gone for good." The voice spoke in an amused tone.

„She won't return because she is dead. **You **killed her." The voice said in a cold tone this time. The last words echoed in his mind.

He knew the voice was right. He knew he had caused the people he loved so much pain. He never seemed able to live up to his own expectations. Leave alone the expectations of the people around him. He always tried hard but it never seemed to be enough. He could never be that man that he really wanted to be.

He loathed the person he was. He always wanted to be this guy that his mother saw in him. But he could never be that guy. Especially now after the killed one oft he women that he loved.

----------

**Lucas voiceover:**

_And__ in __this__ moment__ you__ can__ either__ fight__ or__ fall __into__ the__ darkness._

_------------  
_

Before he had always turned and fought. But he was out of power to fight anymore.

Lucas let himself fall into the darkness.

----------

**Lucas voiceover:**

_When__ all __hope __fails __and __despair __is__ all __that __is __left._

_When __you__ stand in __the __Darkness __and __you__ think__ that __it__ will __never__ end._

_When__ you __forget __about __the __light __and__ think __that __it__ will __never __return._

_When __you __have __no__ power __left __to __fight._

_Then__ you __can __only __hope __that __you __have __people __that __love __you __and __who__ will __fight __the __Darkness__ that __consumes __you._


	2. Chapter 2: Secrets

**Chapter ****2**

**Nathan voiceover:**

_Sometimes when you lose someone you cannot just give in to pain. You have to ignore the pain to be strong for the people you love. Helping them heal so that you can be sure they will be fine. __This comes at a price. As much as it helps the people you love to heal it also damages yourself even more. You can only hope that by the time your loved ones have healed that your soul hasn't been scarred so much that it may not be healed anymore._

_----------  
_

There they were. Hayley James-Scott and Nathan Scott were sitting in a room in Tree Hill Memorial Hospital. Just a few hours ago they were the two happiest people in the world. They had been gifted with a healthy and beautiful baby boy. James Lucas Scott was more than they had ever expected to receive and they loved him greatly.

On this day that was supposed to be the happiest day of their life suddenly everything changed. A life ended and their world was suddenly thrown off balance.

Nathan sat in a chair while Haley was sitting on Nathan's lap and leaning against his shoulder. She was crying. She had been crying for a while now. Nathan didn't cry but the way he felt he couldn't say if he could keep the tears back for long. He needed to be strong for Haley so he tried his best to keep his composure.

"She is gone Nathan." said Haley quietly among the tears.

"I know Hales." He sighed.

"Is that all you have to say?" Haley replied with a hint of anger in her voice.

"What should I say? Are there any words that I could say to make you feel better? Because if there were any such words, I would. Hales this is not something that any words in the world are going to make better. I really don't know what to do. Right now the best thing I have to offer is being there for you. To give you all that I have to give, so you may heal." He answered. He pulled her closer. He rested his arm on her back and caressed the back of her head with his hand.

"Sorry Nathan. You are right there really isn't anything you could say. Thank you for being here for me." She said. Her heart was aching but with him by his side the pain was a little bit more bearable.

"Hales I will always be there for you. Always and forever." He kissed her on her head.

In that moment Deb entered the room.

"Has Lucas returned yet?" she asked in a worried voice. You could see that she was still in shock about the news but she was holding up so that the kids had an adult that they could come to when they needed it.

"No we haven't seen him since the Doctor brought the news." Nathan replied. He seemed worried now. They had all been together in this room when the Doctor had arrived with the news.

----------

**Flashback: A few hours earlier**

The doctor entered the room. Everybody stood up. The doctor had a sad look on his face.

"What, what is going on doctor? Is she alright?" Lucas said in a weak voice.

"I am sorry Mr. Scott. We tried everything we could. But her condition was too severe. We couldn't do anything to save her." He replied.

"NOOOOO! This can't be true she can't be dead. She must be alive. How can I live without her?" Lucas screamed. Tears began to fall. And then he just ran out of the room.

Everybody was still in shock. Nobody could react and stop Lucas. Nor did anybody have the will to do that. They knew he needed some space so they let him go. Everybody sat down and looked inside busy with his own thoughts. Most of them began to cry. After half an hour it was Deb who stood up first.

"We need to find Lucas. You have seen how he reacted to the news. We need to find him. He shouldn't be alone right now." Deb said.

They all agreed to that and Lucas' friends and family stood up to go look for him.

"Nathan and Haley you better stay here together in case he comes back. Don't let him leave if he does return or at least go with him." Deb said.

Nathan and Haley agreed. Everybody except these two left the room to find Lucas.

**End of Flashback**

**----------  
**

Haley stood up and wiped away her tears. She had decided she needed to be strong for her best friend.

"I might have an idea where he could be." She said. She was about to leave the room when she noticed that Nathan was following.

"Nathan you can't come with me." She said.

"Hales why not? He is my brother and you shouldn't be alone either." He said in a hurt voice.

"Nathan the place I'm going is where Lucas goes when he's really hurting. He only goes there when he doesn't want to be found. If I told you where he was or took you with me he would be really upset with me. I don't know what he would do. I only know about it by pure luck and he made me promise to never tell what happened there that day or where that place was to anybody." She said.

"Nathan I know you want to be there for him. He is your brother after all. I promise you I will bring him back from there and then you can spend some time with him." She smiled and kissed him on the cheek before leaving.

Outside the doors she turned to Deb who had left the room with her.

"Deb, would you mind staying with Nathan? I know he's trying not to lose his composure and give in to his feelings. But I also know that he is in pain like everyone else. He wants to be there for me so I let him play the strong man. But bottling up his feelings like that is not good. Please get him to open up so that he can start healing." Haley turned and walked down a corridor.

After a few steps she turned and looked back at Deb who was turning around and looking at the door of the room they had just left. She was trying to pull herself together before entering the room.

"Deb I know you are trying to be strong for all of us. But like Nathan you cannot bottle your feelings up. You have lost someone just like us. You need to let those feelings out and nobody will judge you because of that." Haley said in an empathetic tone.

Deb nodded. She opened the door and while she walked through the door Haley could see the first tear running down her cheek.

Haley turned back towards the corridor she was walking along a minute ago.After 15 minutes she ended up in a little lit corridor. When she turned into this corridor she could already see a man sitting leaning against a wall from afar.

She feigned a smile as she walked up to Lucas.

"Hello there stranger." she said as she sat down next to him.


	3. Chapter 3: BFF

**Chapter 3**

**Lucas voiceover:**

_A person you love dies and suddenly you stand in the darkness._

_A darkness__ so complete that you don't see how you will ever escape. _

_The darkness is empty. A lonely place to be in. _

_But you aren't the only person to be affected by this loss. There are other people who are standing in the darkness. __Their own world of pain._

_And then it happens. One of these people that you also love joins you in your darkness. In the center of a world of pain there are two souls that connect. __Two souls that share their grief and pain.__ Then the darkness doesn't seem as pressing as it did just a moment before._

_------------  
_

"Hello there stranger." She said as she sat down next to him.

She remembered the last time she was here.

----------

**Flashback: A few years in the past**

She was still weak from her accident. She had a concussion and a broken leg that was now put into a cast. She was looking for her best friend. She hadn't seen him since before the accident.

They had been playing with a ball near the street. Lucas had thrown the ball too high for her to catch and she had run after the ball without looking out for the traffic. The car hit her and she had to be brought to the hospital. She was unconscious on the way to the hospital and for a short while during her stay. The doctors treated her leg and told her to get some rest when she woke up. She would be released after a few days of bed rest. But all the time she missed her best friend. After asking his mother she knew that he hadn't left the hospital so she knew he was somewhere around here. So she took her crutches and started looking around. It was hard to walk like that especially only a few hours after the accident. She had to be careful to avoid the doctors and the nurses or they would just put her back into her bed.

After sneaking out of the station she looked around for Lucas. After searching for 15 minutes she decided that such an unsystematic search would take too long. So she looked for a plan for this place. After checking the plan she considered the options. She knew that Lucas wanted to be alone. Otherwise he would have stayed with his mother. So she needed to find a place in this hospital that was quiet and where hardly anyone would ever bother to go. The solution was apparent. Everything on or above ground floor was used for hospital usage. The entire place would be either full or people or at least busy enough to get Lucas to move. The underground floors on the other hand were just used for storage, laundry, etc. So her best guess would be to go there.

She took the elevator to the second underground floor which was at the same time the very basement of the hospital. She guessed that Lucas would choose a place as far from the people upstairs as possible. After looking around for another 15 minutes and almost losing hope she heard someone crying. She knew it was him. Although he never wept in front of her she could still recognize him. She followed the sound and found him sitting in an empty and little lit corridor. She walked towards him.

"Hello there stranger." She said with a smile on her face.

He looked at her and she could see the tears running down his face. He stood up and ran towards her. He hugged her tightly.

"Ouch. Careful Mr. Grizzly. You don't want to add a bunch of broken ribs to this broken leg do you?" She said playfully.

He walked back a few steps.

"Sorry Haley. I'm sorry for everything. This is my entire fault. When I saw you after the accident and you weren't moving and didn't react to my voice I feared the worst. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have tried to throw the ball so that it would be a difficult catch. I should have checked if the street was clear before throwing the ball." He said in a weak voice.

"Lucas this is not your fault. I should have looked before just running after the ball. You know my mom always told me that and I guess she was right." She said with a serious voice.

"Haley you are my best friend and I put your life in danger because I was reckless. How can you ever forgive me for that?" He asked.

"Consider it forgiven if that is what you are looking for. I still think it's not your fault though. And please will you come with me upstairs? The doctors said I should rest and I'm really feeling tired." She smiled at him.

"Oh yea of course. Here let me give you a hand." He smiled back. She put her arm around his shoulders so he could help her walk. Together they walked towards the elevator.

They were still waiting for the elevator to reach when he asked her.

"Haley, promise me you will never tell anybody that I came to this place when I thought that I lost you. And promise me you will never tell anybody how I broke down in this place." He said. His voice was serious and she wondered.

"Oh you guys and your egos. Ok ok I promise I will never tell anybody about this place and your breakdown. One could almost think that you were in love with me." She joked.

He playfully punched her on the arm.

"Hm I have another idea. How about we agree that if anything ever happens in this hospital and either of us needs time alone we will go to this place. And here we will find the other to help him through whatever he is going through." He said.

"Ok but I hope that we will never need this place. The thought of what needs to happen before either of us would need this place scares me." She said in a concerned voice.

He hugged her.

**End of Flashback**

**----------  
**

She saw that he was just staring at the floor. He didn't seem to have even noticed that she was there. This was really bad. Haley had never seen Lucas like this. He didn't seem to notice anything surrounding him. His eyes were red but he didn't cry anymore. Apparently he was out of tears. The fire that she always saw when she looked into his eyes and that had given her so much strength in her times of needs was gone. This wasn't the Lucas Scott she knew. This was more like a shell of Lucas Scott and the soul inhabiting it seemed to have left it. She didn't know what she could say to help her friend. So she did the only thing she could. She laid an arm around his shoulder and leaned her head on it. This seemed to wake Lucas from his lethargy. He raised his head and turned it towards her.

"Hey Hales." He whispered.

"Hey buddy." She answered.

They sat for a few moments like that saying nothing.

"She is gone Hales. What am I supposed to do now? How can I live without her? She was the center of my world and now all that is left is a big void. A black hole sucking me in and never letting me go." He said in a voice full of pain.

"Lucas I know how you feel. As much as I wish I could I cannot take the pain away. She is your mother. Nobody expects you to go on with your life as if nothing had happened." Haley said with sympathy in her voice.

He leaned his head against hers.

"Hales I cannot remember when I told her that I love her. How horrible a son does that make me? I didn't even tell her how much I loved her. She was the best part of me and I didn't give her the appreciation that she deserved. I always put her through so much trouble." He said and again a few tears were showing in his eyes.

"Luke you weren't a horrible son. You were as much of a good son as a mother can wish for. Yes you made mistakes and not just little ones but who doesn't? We are only human and we do what humans do." She told him.

"Hales I cannot be like that. My mother, Keith, Peyton, Brooke and even you always expect me to be much more than the guy I am. And I always feel like I'm letting you down." He said with bitterness ringing in his voice.

"That is nonsense Luke and you know it. I don't expect you to be Mr. Perfect. I know you cannot be and expecting that of you would mean that I would be horrible friend. You could never live up to such expectations." She said looking in his eyes.

"Hales I appreciate your pep talk but I still don't see it. I don't feel like I am who I want to be. The person my mother always told me I could be. Or the guy that Keith always was." He said with a tear in his eye.

"I miss her so much Hales. It's like I said. I feel a void in my soul and I feel like I'm being sucked into it." This time he couldn't hold back the tears.

"Luke you know I loved your mother as my own. Ever since my parents left she was more of a mother to me than my own mother. But even before that I loved her as a secondary mother. You know that I'm hurting a lot. I don't want to suggest that I can understand the pain you are going through and you must be feeling way worse than I am but I think I can understand your grief. She loved you the way you were. I know that. You should have seen her talk about you in the Café when you weren't there. She always talked about you filled with pride. You could never disappoint her Luke." She said with confidence.

"Thank you Hales you don't know how much that means to me." He said with a bit more strength in his voice.

"Hales you know I love you don't you? I hope I will never let you down like my mom." He said and hugged her.

"Luke I know and I love you too." She said after he let her go. She was still worried about his last comment but she decided not to push it. He had already opened up and she didn't want to push him back into the place she had just gotten him out from.

"You know that if it weren't for Peyton, Brooke and Nathan that we might have gotten together sometime? I know you were so into me." Lukas said giving her a knowing smile.

"Eww that's gross. I'd rather have died as an old lady with way too many cats than get together with you." She playfully hit his arm.

"Oh Hales that was uncalled for. You are hurting my feelings. We both know that isn't true and you really wanted a piece of Mr. L. Scott. I remember how you started babbling when you got me that me Julius Cesar as present at my birthday." He smirked.

She tried to hit him but he evaded.

"Lucas Eugene Scott I will kill you for that. I was never into you and if you ever say that in front anybody they will have to do a lot of searching before they find your dead body." She was giving him a fake evil stare.

"Hales I don't know if you can understand how much I missed this. You and me. We haven't been as close lately as we used to be. I know we are still best friends but do you remember how things were before all the drama begun? It was just the two of us against the rest of the world and everything was good. Sometimes I wish things could go back to the way they were. But they can't or can they? No I guess they can't with our relationships and all the friends that we've won. Maybe it's for the better. At least we have other people to share the burden with." He said.

"Yea Luke things aren't as bad as they look. We have won a lot more than we have lost since then. Look at all these great friends we have. Would you really want to give all that up? I know I wouldn't. And even though we don't have the same time to spend with each other we still know that our friendship is strong, don't we? I found you here, didn't I? After all these years I still knew where to find you when you needed me." She hugged him.

"And now let's go upstairs to the other guys. They've been looking for you all over this place and they will still be looking for days if we don't go there and tell them that you are fine. Your girlfriend is probably worried sick about you by now." She said and led him to the elevator.

"Hales you remember our promise? You will have to promise me again that you won't tell anybody about what just happened here." Luke looked her in the eye.

Haley threw up her hands in defeat. "Fine I won't tell anybody. I promise. You guys and egos. Does that ever get better? Why do you never want anybody to know how you feel? Is that really so hard to do?"

"That's because you girls want real men and not sissies." He gave her a smirk.

She couldn't believe he just said that. But at least he was smiling again. She couldn't shake the feeling that there was still something wrong. He seemed to do better but she wasn't sure if he was just faking being fine for her sake. She wondered if his girlfriend would have a better shot at getting through his walls and to the core of the issue.

They entered the elevator and went back to the room where they had come from.


	4. Chapter 4: Resolve

**Chapter 4**

**Haley voiceover:**

_Tragedy._

_We all fear the day it will strike us._

_But there are two sides to tragedy._

_One side is the one everybody knows and thinks about._

_It's the pain, the hurt, the loss, the loneliness and the fear that life will never be as good as it used to be._

_There is another side that we tend to forget._

_In times of tragedy people come together. Friends, family and couples share their love and their grief._

_Tragedy brings __out__ the worst and the best that __mankind__ has to offer._

_----------  
_

Deb entered the waiting room. An hour ago they had all been here receiving the horrible news of Karen's death. It was hard on all of them. They had all been close to Karen.

For some she was family, for some she was a friend but all of them loved her. Even those who had only known her for a short while like Chase and Bevin had quickly grown very fond of her. She was a lovely person. She was nice, warm and open towards anybody she got to know. She gave them advice when they needed it. She helped them even when they didn't feel like they deserved her sympathy. She was like a mother not only to Lucas but at least half of his friends as well. And to all of the others she was at least a dear friend. They all mourned the loss of this lovely being.

Nathan saw his mother entering the waiting room. He could see how the first tears ran down her cheeks. He hadn't seen his mother cry since they got the news. She had been putting on a face of strength. Only now did he realise how much she was hurting. He didn't feel strong but he had to be for his family. Someone had to be there and tell everybody that things were going to be ok. Even though he wasn't sure if they would.

Nathan stood up and walked towards his mother who was walking towards him. He hugged her tightly. He could hear her sobbing increase in intensity. He wasn't sure if he could keep it together. He didn't see his mother cry very often. And every time she did it broke his heart. Tears began to form in his eyes. He tried to hold them back.

His mother broke the hug.

"Nate it's ok. You don't need to be strong for me. Isn't that what I as a mother should be doing? Be strong and help my little prince get over this?"

Nathan scowled. "Mom I thought we had talked about this. You aren't supposed to call me that."

"But that is what I see when I look at you. You are still my little prince. And we never said I couldn't call you that. We just said I should never call you that in public. I don't see anybody else around here so I still haven't broken my promise, have I?" She smiled.

"Whatever." He said in a sad voice.

"Nate I know that you are hurt just like everyone else. You cannot keep this façade on forever. You have to let those feelings out or it will just get worse." Deb said in a worried tone.

"Mom I cannot. I have to be strong for Haley, Lucas and you. If we all fall apart then who will give the others the strength to get through this?"

"Nathan we will get through this together. All of us. We are all hurting from this loss. We all need to grieve. Being strong is not important right now. You can still be strong tomorrow. Right now you need to mourn."

He knew she was right. He felt that holding back was not doing any good to him. A tear ran down his cheek.

"Mom you know I didn't know Karen very long. I was an ass both to her and to my brother for most of my life. I feel so guilty. She was such a nice person. I feel like I've lost so much time that I could have spent with her." More tears running down both his cheeks.

"Nate I know how you feel. I have only recently got the chance to get to know her. She was the best friend I might have ever had. She made me a better person and maybe I could have been a better mother to you if I had known her sooner." She let totally go of her composure and cried.

They were both sharing this intense moment and sat down on two chairs.

"Mom you know when you and dad had this entire divorce crisis going on and I got my emancipation? Well and the time that Haley went on tour."

"Yes I remember Nate and I'm still sorry that things happened the way they did."

"Don't be mom. What's done is done. Anyway at that time I first got to know Karen better. I went to Karen's Café pretty often because Haley worked there. Haley and Karen were very close. Karen helped me a lot in that time. It was mostly her that I could turn to when I needed help from an adult. She would give me great advice and support. We were only loosely related and I was really bad to her son but she looked past all that and took me in like I was part of her family. I'm sorry to say that but she was the closest I had to a parent at that time. You remember when Haley left? It was Karen that told me that everything would be alright. And she was right in the end." He couldn't prevent the smile forming on his face. The memory was just too powerful. It was good that he could remember the good times he had with Karen.

"Nate I'm glad that she was there when you couldn't turn to me or your dad. I know she was a wonderful mother to Lucas. See how he turned out. He is a great kid. I will always be grateful to her for looking out for my little baby. Just like I'm grateful to Haley that she took this mess that your farther and I turned you into and brought out this wonderful man that you are now."

"Mom thank you so much. I don't think I say this often enough but I want you to know that I love you. We have gone through a lot but you have done so much for me and I want to thank you for all of it."

"Nate I know that. And I love you very much. I am so proud that you turned out to be such a great man. You are a father now and I can see that you will be a very good father to your son. A year or two ago I wouldn't have thought it possible that you would be here mourning for this woman but everything turned out for the better since then. She was a very special person and she will always hold a place in our heart. If you ever need guidance as to what you should do as a parent think of Karen and Keith and you will know what to do. I will try to do better than I did in the past but I don't think I can ever be as Karen was." He could hear some regret in her voice.

"Mom you will do fine. You are right Karen was special and she has taught both of us a lot. I hope we can be better people for it. I hope wherever Karen is right now that she is proud of the people we are going to become." He said with a smile.

"I hope the same. We will both have to help Haley and Lucas get through this soon but for now we still have time to look out for each other."

She was right and he knew it. They hugged again and talked more about Karen. They shared a bond that he thought had gone forever. A bond he hadn't felt being as strong for years. In this moment he knew that things were going to be fine eventually. They would never be the same without Karen but they all had a part of her in their hearts forever. Karen would never be forgotten.

Soon they would have to give their strength to Haley and Lucas but for now they needed to heal themselves.

----------

In another part of the hospital Peyton turned around a corner into a new corridor. The corridor was empty for the most part. But there on one of the few chairs she saw Brooke with her head in her hands. She could tell that Brooke was crying. She didn't need to see the tears or hear the sobs. This was her best friend and she could usually tell in what emotional state she was in. Peyton understood her friend. She was in an emotional turmoil herself and didn't have the chance to speak to anyone about it. This might be a good time.

"Hey best friend." She said lightly to Brooke while she sat down in the chair next to Brooke.

Brooke leaned on Peyton's shoulder and kept on crying.

"Hello P. Sawyer." She answered.

For a few minutes they just sat like that. Sitting together was enough. They had already been through so much together that sometimes the mere presence of the other was more important than the exchange of words.

"P. do you remember the last time you saw her? I mean before she was admitted to the hospital."

"Let me think. I think it must have been yesterday in the morning before school. I went to the Café to see if I could find Lucas. You remember I told you I hadn't seen him for 2 days."

"Yes I remember that you told me. How was she P.? Was she ok? Was she happy?"

"Brooke yes she was fine and looked happy to me. She said something about having dinner with Dan. There was a light in her eyes that I hadn't seen since the death of Keith." She remembered with a little smile.

"Peyton I haven't seen her for a few days and now I feel like I've lost so much time that I could have spent with her." She couldn't prevent a tear from falling.

"I understand Brooke. I had a lot of contact with her lately but still I have the feeling like I could have spent more time with her." She said when suddenly the realisation hit her that Karen was gone and she wouldn't have a chance of ever speaking with her again. She couldn't hold back the tears that suddenly formed in her eyes.

Brooke noticed her friend's tears and held her tightly.

"P. you know I got to live with Karen for a while when my parents left for LA. I never mentioned it but Karen was like a mother for me at that time."

"I see. Your parents were gone and she was a caring adult."

"No it's more than that P. You know when I moved in with her into Lucas' room she came to me and told me about these rules that I'd have to follow if I wanted to stay with her. That was the moment I felt like I finally had a real mother. I mean a person that would be there for me and take care of me. A person that would not tolerate me being a bad person. And a person that would worry about me if something happened."

"I didn't know that. Why didn't you tell me that Brooke?"

"I don't know. It was something very personal and I never thought about sharing this with anyone. Maybe I wanted to keep this feeling to myself so that nobody could tell me how stupid the idea was that someone could just take the role of my heartless mother."

"I think I understand that. You know since I got together with Lucas I also got a chance to spend more time with Karen. She is such a great person. I couldn't let her in as wanted to. I had just lost Ellie and with all that was going on in my life and the fact that everybody left that I cared about I just couldn't get attached too much. I didn't want to get too close and lose another person."

"Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer that's no reason not to let her in. You of all the people should know that you only get so much time with the people you love. You can't just shut everybody out. You will miss out on the best parts of life if you do." Brooke said in a stern voice.

"I know and apparently I wasn't so good at shutting her out of my heart. She behaved almost as my mother would have. She had long talks with me after both Derek incidents. And we had another great moment together after Lucas awoke from his coma after the heart attack." She said smiling at the memory.

There was a moment of silence between them.

"I just wish I had let her all the way in. I mean my connection with her has been good but I can't shake the feeling that it would have been even better if I could have opened up. If I had a second chance I would do things differently." Peyton sighed.

"That is exactly the thought I had."

They didn't need any more words. They knew each other too well.

They leaned against each other and held each other's hand. They remained like this for a little while. Both taking this opportunity to heal. Similar to the way they had done all those years ago when it was Peyton's mother that had died.

After a seemingly long time Brooke spoke up. "P. what do we do now? Shouldn't we be looking for Lucas?"

"Brooke you are right but I think we should go back to the waiting room and check if Lucas has come back yet. Lucas will need all the support he can get from us once he returns." Peyton replied.

"You are right P. We need to be strong for him. If it is this hard for us I cannot imagine what he must be going through."

"I know exactly how he must be feeling. I have been there and if it wasn't for you I might have never escaped that place. Thank you Brooke for everything you have done for me in the last 10 years. But now we have to return and help Lucas." She said in an emotional voice.

"Oh you mean you have to help him Mrs. P. Scott." Brooke said and stuck out her tongue towards Peyton.

"You will so pay for that Mrs. Ex-Scott." She replied with a predatory smile.

"Ouch now that was uncalled for." Brooke said feigning hurt.

"I know." Peyton said with a smile.

Both linked their arms and walked back towards the waiting room they had come from.


	5. Chapter 5: A Guiding Light

Ok guys sorry for the little delay. I'm kind of a bit busy studying for an exam so I'm a bit tight on time for the fanfic. I should be able to do a bit quicker updating after next Wednesday. Anyway here is something that I posted on the CW board. There are some decisions that need to be made. I have my own ideas that I could just do but I don't mind the readers influencing the story at this point. So this is what I wrote on the CW board.

"Btw I need to make a few decisions soon and I'd like some input. First of all we are at the end of season 4 so I need to decide if and where they go to college. I think that Lucas with all that's gone on would probably like to get away from Tree Hill for some time. So I'm thinking about putting him in NY, Boston or maybe even somewhere in Europe (don't worry if you want him there I'll make it so. I'll make sure it looks believable and not like I just wanted him to get there). Obviously living in Europe myself I could probably write an interesting story there. Maybe a nice story in London, Paris, Berlin, Rome or Madrid?? I think Naley needs to go to the college they were headed to by the end of S4. But even here it might be an option to move them to Europe. I guess it would be less of a problem for Nathan to get a spot in a European university. My own university would probably take him. And our local Pro team would probably take him without bothering to check his point shaving incident. That would certainly be an opportunity for him to make it into the NBA if he still wants to go there after university ;).I already know what Peyton is up to and I have an idea about Brooke but she still needs a place where she can do her designing. And no I'm not planning on making her a star designer instantly.In any case I personally thought it might be nice to have them go into college and us taking a little peek at how they settle in. And then do a jump into the future to when they return to Tree Hill with flashbacks into their college times. But if you want we can do the entire college time with little jumps so that we don't have to see the entire boring part of the college time.Input is welcome and practically required this time. You still have quite some time to comment but I need to know beforehand because I need to make sure it fits into the story."

Enjoy

----------

**Chapter 5**

**Lucas voiceover:**

_The Darkness is a strange place to be in._

_If you are alone it becomes all encompassing. It isolates you from the rest of the world. It fills your heart, soul and mind with dark thoughts and feelings. The Darkness seems so dark that the mere memory of the Light is lost. The further you fall into the Darkness the harder it becomes to escape it and return into the Light._

_If you are in the Darkness with people that you love the Darkness seems to retract a bit. It loses its deadly grip on you. The love of the people joining you in the Darkness seems to push the Darkness away and gives you space to breathe._

_But when your loved ones leave, the Darkness returns. And the Darkness is a cunning enemy. It comes back darker than when it left you. Beginning to drown everything that you are in pain and sorrow._

_When you have fallen this far and you are about to lose yourself in the Darkness then there is only one way left to escape._

_You need light. A guiding light that leads you out of the Darkness and back into the realms of the Light._

_----------  
_

Peyton and Brooke were walking towards the waiting room that they had left a seemingly endless time ago. They saw the cafeteria ahead of them.

"Peyt can we please go grab something to eat on the way to the waiting room? I'm starving and who knows if Lucas is already back." Brooke begged.

"Ok Brooke but please don't take ages to chose. We both know you'll take almost anything they have as long as it is sweet." She stuck out her tongue towards Brooke.

"Hey that's not fair." Brooke said and pouted.

They entered the cafeteria and saw Chase, Skillz and Bevin sitting at a table. There were three cups on the table and two sandwiches for the guys. They moved towards them. When they reached them they all gave each other a hug.

"Hey I thought we were supposed to be looking for Lucas." Peyton said with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"We were looking but then Skillz had the brilliant idea to look in the cafeteria for Lucas. And since we hadn't eaten anything since breakfast we decided to eat a little snack and at the same time cover the cafeteria." Chase said with a smile.

"Yea the brother will need to eat something sooner or later." Skillz added.

"Didn't you guys see how devastated he was? I don't think that he has food on his mind. I on the other hand need a little something to eat now." Brooke said while going towards Chase and hugging him.

"Let me take you and show you what this cafeteria has to offer." Chase said with a little smile and linked his arm with Brooke's. They moved away from the group.

"So I guess that means you haven't found him yet?" Peyton said with a slightly worried tone.

"Peyton there isn't any reason to worry. You know that Lucas is strong." Bevin said. She moved over to Peyton and laid an hand on her arm.

"Yea girl. You know the dawg. He's tougher than a freakin dinosaur."

Peyton nodded. She knew that Lucas was tough and had dealt with a lot of things in the past. He had even been able to deal with the problems of other people besides his own problems. But she also knew how it was to lose a mother. She knew better than anyone else since she had not only lost one but two mothers. And this worried her. She knew how she had reacted when her mothers died. But Lucas had lost both Keith who he considered to be his father and his mother. Also Karen had been the centre of his life. He had always had her. Even though Peyton had lost her mother she still had a father who loved her. The fact that he was gone for a big part of her life didn't mean that he wasn't available if she really needed him. He had always returned when things were really tough. She knew that Lucas was going to the same place she had gone when her mother had died. This dark place in yourself that seems to suck you in and never lets you out again. It was Brooke who had saved her from there and this time she knew that it would be her and Haley's turn to pick up the pieces. The problem was that Haley was almost as close to Karen as Lucas was. Peyton couldn't expect her to pick up the pieces when she must be falling apart herself. No it would be Peyton that would have to help Lucas and Nathan would have to help Haley.

"I hope you are right Skillz. But I really want to find him. He shouldn't be alone." She said.

"Peyt he is always right." Bevin said with some confidence.

"So what is the plan now?" Skillz asked.

"Brooke and I were heading for the waiting room and check if maybe Lucas has returned already. We couldn't find him anywhere."

"We didn't find him either so we came here a few minutes before you. He wasn't here but the boys hadn't eaten anything since breakfast so we decided to take a little snack before we continued the search." Bevin said.

"Maybe you guys should come with us to the waiting room. Maybe we can make a new game plan if he hasn't returned there."

"That's a good idea. So how you holding up girl?" Skillz asked Peyton.

"I'm coping. It's really hard since she was an important person for me. She was basically the only adult I've had lately since my dad is hardly ever around. Talking to Brooke has helped a lot. But I need to be there for Lucas. I know how it is to lose a mother and he must be feeling really bad. He needs us all and I need to be there for him. He was there for me when I needed him the most and now I have to return the favour." Peyton said while lowering her head.

"You will do just fine Peyton. You are a strong girl. You know when your mom died? Lucas told me about it. You think Lucas was there and he pulled you through but all he did was to put you in the place you needed to be. It was you that fixed yourself. Lucas was only there to guide you. And that's what you need to do now. You can't fix all his problems but you can guide him to a place from where he can start getting better." Skillz said.

"Thank you Skillz. But how are you dealing with the situation? You must have been very close to Karen. You and Lucas have been friends for years and you must have known his mother pretty well."

"Yea she was very close. We always went to the café and she always gave me nice stuff. She always asked how school was and how I was doing. I even introduced all my girlfriends to Karen before I brought them home to meet my parents. Right baby?" Skillz walked over to Bevin and laid his arms around her waist.

"Yea that was something I was confused about. A few days before we decided to make our parents meet we went to Karen and met her first. He introduced me to Karen and looked at her expectantly. I was already wondering what was going on. So I sat there and had a chat with Karen while Skillz told me he had to talk with Lucas in private and they were sitting at a table and talking."

"Well to be honest we weren't talking so much. We only pretended to talk. We were actually just watching how your talk with Karen went." Skillz said with a smile.

"What?" Bevin seemed surprised.

"Well sure baby. Karen is very important to me. I've never dated a girl that Karen didn't approve of. She isn't my mother but she is a very good friend. She knew me so well and could tell which girl would be good for me." Skillz said.

"So you wouldn't have dated me any more if I didn't get Karen's approval?" Bevin pouted.

"Baby I never thought there was any doubt that she would like you but still I had to get her opinion. Her opinion really means a lot to me."

"I understand. She was very nice to me. She asked me a lot of questions but she also answered any question I asked her about you or Lucas. She really knows a lot about the two of you. She even told me a few embarrassing stories about the two of you." Bevin chuckled.

"Well I'd hope she knows a lot about Lucas." Peyton laughed.

Bevin blushed.

Brooke and Chase were choosing things that Brooke could eat. She decided that light cheese sandwich would be the right thing. She picked the sandwich and went ahead to pay.

"How are you doing Brooke? You told me you were close to Karen. This must be hard on you." Chase asked carefully.

"Yes I was. I'm still trying to deal with the situation. Peyton has helped me a lot but this isn't something I can just shrug off and continue with my life. She really meant a lot to me." She looked Chase in the eyes before paying for the sandwich.

"I can understand that. I didn't know her very well but she was a nice person. She even gave me advice once when I really needed some."

"What? When was that? I thought we only went there 2 or 3 times." Brooke was surprised. They moved slowly back to the rest of the group.

"It was after I told you that we couldn't be together. I went to get breakfast at the Café the day after that. I must have looked very depressed because Karen just talked to me."

----------

**Flashback: Karen's Café**

Chase sat at the counter.

"What can I get you young man? Wait aren't you the boy that Brooke is dating? It was Chase right?"

"Yes ma'am that's me."

"But why are you looking so depressed? Usually dating Brooke has the opposite effect on boys." Karen said with a smile.

"Well we aren't dating anymore. There was something she did that I can't accept."

"Was it really so bad? Is it really something that you can't forgive her for? What could she have done to you that was so bad?"

"Yes it's something that I can't forgive and she didn't do it to me. She did this to Peyton but with my history I can't tolerate that."

"Well I have something for you that might lighten your mood a little bit."

She went to the cakes and put a piece of cake on a plate. Then she got a cup and poured in some coffee. She returned to Chase with both of them and put them on the counter in front of him.

"Here this is on the house. But Chase you should really think about this. Brooke is a really great girl. She makes lots of mistakes and I should know. I was her guardian and she was dating my son. But she has changed a lot recently. And whatever she did to Peyton she will make amends. Brooke and Peyton are like sisters. They fight. They treat each other really badly. But in the end they always find their way back to each other." Karen said with a smile.

"Thanks Miss Roe. That really helped and this cake is really delicious." Chase answered truthfully.

"No problem and think about what I said. You shouldn't let her get away that easily. But don't rush a decision either. Take your time to think about it." Karen left him with a smile.

**End of Flashback**

**----------  
**

"So you got back together with me because Karen told you to?" Brooke looked surprised.

"Not entirely but she made a strong case in your favour." Chase smiled.

"Wait a second. I remember now. Two days after you broke up with me she charged me for a cake and a cup of coffee that I was sure I didn't eat and drink. She said that I must have forgotten so I just paid. I mean it was just 3 dollars."

"So was it worth it?" Chase looked expectantly.

"Yes those were the best invested 3 dollars I have ever spent." She kissed him passionately. After breaking the kiss she started to laugh and she laughed really loudly. They had almost reached the rest of the group.

Peyton, Bevin and Skillz looked at her with a confused look on their faces.

"Oh come on guys. As if you guys didn't have memories of Karen that would make you laugh." She smiled.

All of them thought a second about it and smiled. They were all thinking of fond memories they had about Karen.

"We should go back to the waiting room and check if they have found Lucas yet." Peyton said.

They all moved towards the door of the cafeteria.

----------

Lucas and Haley arrived at the waiting room arm in arm. They were supporting each other and talking lightly. They tried to avoid talking about Karen. The wound was still too fresh for both of them. These two were just like siblings. They had grown up together and spent more time with each other and his mother than most friends would. They had both lost a mother and now they had to deal with it. But talking about her was too hard yet. So they talked about school, things they had done together. Haley asked what book he was currently reading. And so on. After a while they arrived at the waiting room. They entered the waiting room and saw how Nathan and Deb stood up. They could see that both of them had been crying. Lucas went to his brother and hugged him. He did the same with Deb. Haley went to Nathan and just stood beside him. Nathan put his arms around her holding her tightly.

"Thank you guys that you are here. I am sorry I just ran off like that." Lucas said.

"Nothing to be sorry about big brother. We understand you. I just wish we could do something to make you feel better."

"Thanks little brother. Right now there is really nothing that you or anybody else could do." Lucas said with a sigh.

"Lucas there are some things I need to talk to you about. But that can wait for a few days. For now you shouldn't worry about anything but yourself." Deb said.

"Thanks Deb. I'm currently not really capable of participating in a long and meaningful discussion."

They just sat together. There wasn't much talking going on among them. They were just sharing this moment together.

After a while Peyton, Brooke, Chase, Skillz and Bevin entered the room. They saw Lucas sitting with their other friends. Peyton ran over to Lucas and threw her arms around him.

"You scared me Luke." Peyton said and gave him a light kiss on the lips.

"I'm sorry Peyton. And I have to apologise to you others as well. I shouldn't have taken off like that but it was just too much to take in. I needed some time alone."

"Nah dawg we understand. There is really nothing to apologise for. I don't know what I would have done if I was in your position man." Skillz answered for the entire group. They all hugged Lucas.

"Where is Mouth?" Brooke asked as she noticed that their friend was missing.

"He called me and told me that he needed some space. He has left the hospital. He told me that will come and meet up with Lucas tomorrow or the day after tomorrow."

"But why would he leave? I thought he was close to Karen?" Brooke looked confused.

"Yes he is. But everybody deals differently with the pain. You might not know this but Mouth was always like my best friend. Together with Skillz. He even spent Christmas with us once. It was my mother that gave him this equipment that he used at the River Court for his sports announcing. If you want to know I think that Mouth is on his way to his parents. He has a close bond to his parents and they will help him to deal with this situation." Lucas said.

They all sat down and had light conversation. Nobody was in the mood to talk about what had happened that day but they enjoyed the company.

After a few hours the first of them headed out. It was Skillz and Bevin.

"Luke dawg you know I would stay with you here but we have to go to dinner with my parents. But if you need me I will cancel it right now." Skillz said.

"Nah Skillz. Go have a nice dinner with your parents. I will be fine."

"Fine man but if there is anything you need or anything I can do you pick up that phone and dial my number right away. I will be there in 5 minutes." They hugged.

"I will, I will. Now go." Lucas said.

After saying their goodbyes Bevin and Skillz left the hospital.

Another half an hour later Brooke, Chase and Deb had to leave. They said goodbye to everyone. Brooke and Chase said they would phone Lucas the next day while Deb said that she would be at the Café the next day and that he could come by or phone her if he needed anything.

That left Haley, Nathan, Peyton and Lucas sitting together and talking. Lucas could see that Nathan was a bit nervous.

"What's up Nathan? You seem like you'd have to be somewhere else but you'd rather not bother us with it."

"Lucas I'm sorry man but there is somewhere I would be right now. But I feel like I would abandon my big brother if I went."

"Ok Nate. Spill it. Let me judge if you would be abandoning me or if it is a good reason to go now." Lucas said obviously being not too serious.

"Luke, Haley and I had a son today. And since we got the news about your mom we haven't been back with him. I really think we should spend some time with him."

Lucas just nodded.

"Omg I totally forgot about James Lucas. I am a terrible mother." Haley cried.

Peyton tried to console her friend.

"Haley you are not a bad mother. Don't be stupid. You didn't abandon your child. Your child is safe and in good care in the nursery. So much has happened today anybody would have been overwhelmed. But you at least made sure that your son would be ok before you even came here. That makes you a good mother Hales, not a bad one." Peyton said soothingly while rubbing her friend's back.

"Yes Hales you didn't do anything wrong and now you need to take your husband to the nursery and take care of your son. He needs you more than me. I'm a big boy I can take care of myself." He tried to put up a convincing tone even though he wasn't so convinced himself.

"Thank you Peyt. Thank you Luke." She said and hugged both of them.

"No problem Hales. Anytime you need us." Said Peyton as Luke put an arm around her waist.

"Thank you Luke. We will go and take care of your godson. I hope we can share at least a bit of what Karen meant to us and what she was like. Even a little bit of that will make him a better person."

"Thank you for your words man." Luke couldn't prevent a tear of joy appearing in his eye after he heard those words. Both brothers hugged before Nathan and Haley left the waiting room and went to the nursery.

--------- -

Suddenly it was only Peyton and Lucas that were left. They both sat down together. Now that almost all his friends had left he felt how the Darkness was again weighing in on him. He couldn't fight it. It was almost as if his vision was clouding and darkening even with his eyes opened and sitting in this well lit room. Peyton noticed this shift in his mood though.

"What is it Luke?"

"What is what Peyton?" He said trying to avoid answering the question.

"Don't try to play smartass with me. I can see that something is wrong. We both know that you could always see past the walls I built and right into my heart. Maybe not always on point but at least well enough so that I couldn't hide my moods from you. And since your accident you've only become better at it. But you should know that I can do the same. I can see past these walls that you build and see right into your heart. And right now I see that you are shutting down and trying to hide something from me." She said seriously.

"It's just that I've lost my mother today and now that everybody has gone and it's weighing down on me." He lied.

"Lucas Eugene Scott didn't I just tell you not to lie to me. I can see that it's not just that. There is more to this than that. I know how much you loved your mother but I can see that that's not the only thing that is bothering you. Don't forget that I lost two mothers and I know what you are going through." Peyton looked him right into the eyes.

Lucas sighed.

"Ok Peyton you got me. There is more to the story than I've said." Tears began to run down his cheeks.

"Peyt It's my fault that my mother is dead. I didn't tell anybody about this. So please don't be mad at me. You remember a while ago when I was suddenly gone for 2 days and you said you missed me?"

"Yes I remember that was when I was to decide if I should take the scholarship or not."

"Well in that time I wasn't exactly idle. You probably remember the day at the cemetery when I told you I didn't think that Jimmy killed Keith. Anyway I kept thinking about it and finally I remembered something about that day. I saw a girl hiding and she was scared. When we went to Honeygrove I found her picture in one of our high school yearbooks. So I went to visit her a few days later. She saw it Peyton. She was there when it happened."

"Who is she and where was she. And she was where when what happened?"

"Her name is Abby and she was in the building when Keith was shot. She saw everything that happened. And after telling me about it she left the town so she would be safe. I have no evidence."

"So what did she see? Did Jimmy kill Keith? Was someone else there?"

"Peyton it wasn't Jimmy who killed Keith." She could hear anger in his voice. He paused a little.

"It was DAN!"

"What? Dan killed his own brother? Why would he do something like that? Luke are you sure?"

"Peyton Abby saw him. And I went to him and he admitted that he did it."

"I can't believe it. So is that why he was all nice to you and your mother? Was all that just because of guilt?" Peyton asked still in shock about the revelation.

"I guess so. Why else would he suddenly have such a sudden change of heart? It fits perfectly. And to your other question. Dan thought that Keith had laid the fire. And you've seen how he reacted when he thought that it was me."

She couldn't believe it. This was just crazy.

"Yes I remember. I had to beg him to let you go and tell him the truth."

"Yea" Hate and anger was still in his voice.

"But Luke I can see how this makes you angry but that's not what you had on your mind before. There is something more than you haven't told me yet."

"Yes there is Peyton." Luke sighed and let his eyes fall to the ground. He collapsed in the chair he was sitting in.

"Haley told me about the gun that Deb has and that she left at home. So I went there and I got it. I took it home. And then it happened. And it was all my fault."

----------

**Flashback: The day before in the evening.**

Lucas entered the house quietly. He knew that his dad and his mom were having dinner. But he had a plan and he couldn't let Dan know that he was in the house. So he entered the house without making the slightest noise and hid in the corridor. He took out his cellphone and set it so it wouldn't send a caller ID. He sent the message reading:

"I'M NOT LEAVING.

I WATCHED YOU MURDER YOUR BROTHER.

I'M GOING TO THE POLICE

ABBY"

He heard his parents talking.

"What is it?" Karen asked.

"Oh. Just a little problem I thought I took care of. I have to go. This won't take long. I'm sorry."

He saw his farther getting up and moving towards the corridor. He was already standing there. Waiting for the confrontation with the man that killed his real father. His father turned towards the corridor and saw him.

"Going somewhere Dan?" He said.

"What you think you're doing Lucas?" Dan said while walking towards him.

"I'm protecting my mother." Lucas replied in a cool voice.

He saw how his mother walked towards Dan into the corridor to hear what was being said. Lucas raised the gun he had in his hand towards Dan.

"What you gonna do? Shoot me?" Dan asked without a hint of fear.

Lucas smiled.

"Yes. I am." Still the smile on his face.

"Just like you shot my Uncle Keith." His face turning serious as he speaks.

"Lucas what are you doing with a gun? Put that down right now." A bit of fear evident in her voice and face.

"I can't." Lucas replied with anger showing in his face.

"Lucas." Karen insisted.

"Little text message that Dan just got. I sent it." He raised his cellphone showing them.

"I pretended to be Abby. You know the girl that watched him murder Keith."

Karen looked with surprise and confusion towards Dan.

"You heard him. Abby is just a little problem he thought he'd taken care of."

"Don't listen to him Karen. He's delusional." Dan intervened.

"Maybe you should tell the truth when I have a gun aimed at your head." Lucas screamed.

"Lucas please just put the gun down alright? I can't. I can't." She begged before growing weaker and collapsing to the floor.

"Karen." Dan said worriedly.

"Do not touch her." Lucas shouted at Dan.

"Mom? Mom are you ok?" He asked.

"She could be having a miscarriage." Dan tried to explain to Lucas.

"You stay right there. Do not touch her." He shouted.

"Lucas!"

"That is my mother. I will swear to god I will kill you."

Dan turned his head and Lucas shot at the door frame.

"Mom are you ok?" Lucas asked again.

"Get out!"

"Lucas she could lose the baby."

"I missed on purpose. I will not miss again." Lucas said talking in a calm voice this time.

"You are making a terrible mistake."

"Get out!"

Dan turned and left the house.

Lucas immediately ran to his mother and let the gun fall after the door had closed. He was worried sick.

"Mom it's ok. I'm gonna get you some help, ok? It's gonna be ok." Worry in his voice and mind.

He called 911.

**End of Flashback**

**---------  
**

Now Peyton understood what had been bothering Lucas. And she was not sure what to say. Here he was Lucas Scott. This decent guy who seemed to solve any of the problems she had. And this guy took a gun went home and threatened his father with it. Her first thought was that Lucas was being stupid. How could he bring a gun to his home knowing that that his mother was pregnant? But then it struck her. Her heart gave her the answer that her mind wouldn't give her. He had done it for love. He loved his mother and Keith greatly. He wouldn't go home with a gun if he had the slightest reason to believe that he would put his mother or his sister in danger. No he brought the gun home for love not for revenge.

"Luke you couldn't have known. You cannot blame this on yourself." Peyton said pulling him closer and letting him rest his head on her shoulder.

"But Peyton I brought the gun home. I put my mother into this situation. If not for me she would probably have never collapsed. She wouldn't be dead right now." He said with more and more tears coming.

"Lucas you tried to protect your mother. Dan killed your Uncle and you wanted to protect your mother from this horrible person. Nobody will blame you. In fact I think most people would have done the same if they were in your position." Peyton tried to comfort him.

"But Peyt…" Peyton didn't let him finish the sentence.

"No but Luke. You went there to protect your mother. It was Dan who put you in this position. He killed your Uncle and then tried to sneak his way back into your and your mother's lives. If he hadn't killed your Uncle, if he had the guts to go to jail for what he did or even if he had just not gotten involved in your lives Karen would still be here." Now there was anger evident in her voice.

"What would I do without you Peyton?" He kissed her on the lips. It was a light but sensual kiss.

"I don't know. You'd probably be with Brooke leaving her sitting beside you and hiding behinds the walls of Troy." She chuckled.

"You are probably right." A smile on his face.

"Lucas I'm gonna leave you here for a second ok? I'm just going to the vending machines down the hall to get you something to drink. You haven't had anything in hours and we can't have you break down and end up in hospital."

"Thanks Peyton. For everything."

"No problem. You've done far more for me Luke." She gave him a kiss before going out and down the hall.

Lucas was sitting alone. But even though Peyton had lifted a huge weight from his shoulders he was still not over the death of his mother. The Darkness closed in again on him. And even if it didn't seem as strong as it did before he couldn't fight it. He was exhausted. Emotionally, physically and mentally. He was just out of power. The Darkness again took him.

After 10 minutes Peyton returned. She saw immediately that he had again in that dark place. That place that she knew just too well. The Darkness was closing in and if her talk a few minutes ago hadn't been enough to get him out of there for good then she would really need something exceptional to get him out of there. She thought long and hard. She thought about Haley. Maybe she could help her get Luke out of it.

Then it suddenly hit her. She knew exactly what Lucas needed. She remembered Skillz words from the Cafeteria.

_"__You can't fix all his problems but you can guide him to a place from where he can start getting better.__"_

Skillz was right she couldn't solve all of Luke's problems. But she knew a place where maybe he could get better himself.

She went over to Lucas. She took his hand and helped him up. She led him out of the waiting room. Down the corridor and to the elevators.

"Where are we going Peyton?" Lucas asked with a distant voice. She could see he was only half aware of what was happening.

"I'm taking you somewhere Lucas. Trust me Luke it will all get better once we are there."

They entered the elevator. Peyton pressed the button for the third floor. The elevator went up and they exited. Lucas didn't know where Peyton was leading him and he was too busy with his own thoughts to bother. He just walked where Peyton was leading. They didn't speak at all. They just walked in silence.

After another 10 minutes of walking they entered a station. He hadn't read what had been written on the entrance but he could hear cries. He was still too much out of it to recognise the place or the voices. Peyton led him in front of a window. And suddenly he saw it. This was the nursery and in front of him beyond a glass window there were dozens of little babies. They were all so small and had just been born into this world. He couldn't believe it. They were these innocent little creatures. They didn't know about the Darkness that was in the world. For them the world was still bright.

He closed his eyes for a second and the Darkness was there. The babies hadn't changed that. They couldn't take the pain away that he was feeling.

"Thank you Peyton. This is nice but it doesn't really help."

"Lucas don't tell me you don't see it. I will hit you really hard if you don't look. It's there in front of you. You just need to look and understand." Peyton said with a hint of annoyance.

Lucas opened his eyes and then it hit him. There slightly to the left and in one of the rows and the back she was. There was his little baby sister. All the tragedy and he had almost forgotten about her. He didn't know how that had happened. A tear rolled down his cheeks. He would never forget her again. He promised.

He closed his eyes again. At first the Darkness closed in again. He was back in the Darkness. Again he had the feeling like he couldn't escape. But wait what was that. There far away he could suddenly see it. Among all the Darkness he could finally see a little light. A light that seemed to invite him trying to show him something. A light to guide him out of the Darkness.

He opened his eyes and saw his sister again. He knew that was it. His little sister would be his guide. She would lead him out of the Darkness. A smile showing on his face.

Peyton noticed his smile and took his hand in hers.

Yea his sister would be his light and Peyton would be his rock. A light to guide him and a rock to lean on when he needed to. In this moment Lucas knew that everything would be ok.

"Thank you Peyton. Thank you for everything." He paused a minute.

"And Peyton I'm sorry. It seems silly now that I never fought for you when I should have. I don't think there was ever a time that I didn't love you. I was deceiving myself when I thought that I wasn't."

"Luke I know I feel the same. And Luke you didn't have to fight for my heart because it was always yours."

They kissed. First it was a light and sensual kiss but it heated up quickly becoming a lot stronger. And this kiss washed away any doubt that either of them still had regarding their love and their relationship.

----------

Sorry guys that it took so long. As a little compensation this chapter is almost 2.5 times as long as the last chapter. Please leave comments. I'd really like some feedback and I really need some input on the decisions that I mentioned in the beginning.

Sorry for all typos. I hope I got the tempi right everywhere.


	6. Chapter 6: The Day After

**Chapter 6**

Guys thanks for the comments. I would still like some input on the questions I posted on Chapter 5. There is still some time till that will be needed to be answered but the sooner you tell me the earlier I get a picture of what I need to be happening for it to fit in. But now back to the story and I hope you guys enjoy this ride with me.

I'm really sorry for the long delay. In the beginning I had a lot of real life stuff to deal with. Later then writer's block was keeping me from getting anywhere. And last but not least the chapter just didn't want to end no matter how much I wrote.

But whatever kept me on the way it's done now. I hope you like what I've come up with. It's far less depressing than what we've had so far. At least I think it is.

Enjoy

* * *

**Peyton voiceover:**

_Life isn't easy. You move through life and __wish__ that everything will work out just like you hoped but that's not the way it works. _

_Things happen._

_But even though things happen and you would much rather crawl into your shell and never get out again, __it just__ isn't possible. _

_When you turn numb and you couldn't care less what the world is doing you still need to go on with y__our life. Unlike what__ you__r__ feel__ings say__ the world hasn't stopped __turning__. People still go to work, take care of their children, have fun with their friends or fall in love. _

_Life doesn't care for the heartache that people go through. It rolls on, relentless__ly__. And you got two choices to make. Either you roll with life or you get left behind._

_Giving into your grief and letting life roll on without you seems like a good choice at first. But if you do follow that path you may find that there isn't much of a life left to return to when the grief has faded._

_There is no turning back and there is no stopping. You either move with the flow or you drown in the flood._

---------- _  
_

Lucas and Peyton were waiting for the Doctor to arrive. The nurse asked them to wait in this office. There were three chairs, a desk, a shelf with lots of medical books and a cupboard. The desk was covered with several files, papers, and other essentials for a office. Lucas and Peyton were currently standing in front of the window that was stretching across one side of the room. Peyton was standing in front of Lucas. Lucas had wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her head. They were watching children playing on a playground next to the hospital. The playground was located in a beautiful little park and invited children to play and their parents to relax. There were several benches located all over the little park so that people could rest and enjoy the quiet. Lucas and Peyton were watching and were both caught up in their own thoughts.

Peyton was watching the parents with their children and thinking about how well Lucas and she would be doing at raising his little sister. She was sure that Lucas would be a wonderful dad but neither of them had any experience with new born babies and this was a huge responsibility to take. She had already been willing to take the role of a mother when she wanted to be with Jake and marry him but at that time she hadn't realised or even thought about how much being a mother meant and how huge the responsibility was. That was different this time. She would have to be there for this little being and there wouldn't be any parents to fall back to if there was need. Lucas didn't have any parents to go to and neither did she with her father gone all the time. No, it would have to be both of them that raised this little angel. But even though the thought scared her she was excited beyond her own understanding. She loved children and helping one grow up into its own seemed like a beautiful thing. Somehow she wished she had her own child. Maybe it would help her heal the wounds that the death of her own mother had caused in her childhood. But she knew that was a stupid thought. She had just turned 18. This was not the right age to think about having a baby. She had an entire lifetime to have one of her own. And she had the right man to have one with right with her. She leaned back closer to him and he tightened the embrace. She felt safe as long as he was around. She continued to watch the children play.

Lucas was thinking about similar things but from a different angle. He wondered how he could raise this little child on his own. He loved Peyton but he couldn't put the burden of raising a little child on her. She would be there for him if he asked her to but he didn't want to ruin her life. Everything he wanted was for her to be happy. He couldn't put her through all this. But he couldn't live without her either. She was there for him. She was what kept him from drowning entirely in his sorrow. There were a lot of things he would have to take care of and plan. He wasn't just responsible for his own life anymore. He was also responsible for the life of a little baby now. His little sister would need him above all. There were still a thousand questions that would need answering. He didn't know if he could go to college like this. Without his mother he might not be able to go to college since would need some source of income that he and his little sister could live from. And that wasn't the only thing. There would be a thousand things he would have to deal with. But now was not the right time. He was here with Peyton and they were watching the park. There were children playing and he thought how one day it would be his sister that would be playing on a similar playground somewhere. One day it might even be his children that would be playing there. He knew that Peyton was the one for him and he enjoyed thinking about the possibility to have children with her. In his mind he pictured her as a perfect mother. Kind and loving, showing their children the beauty of art and music. She would protect her children like a lioness from any harm. He could see parallels between Peyton and his mother. And this thought soothed any concerns he might have had about the future of them.

Both of them were disturbed in their thoughts when the door was opened. The Doctor entered the room. He greeted them and asked them to be seated.

"Good morning. My name is Dr. Stevens. I am the doctor who is in charge of the care of your sister." He opened a file and read it.

"Excuse me doctor. This morning my sister was taken away for some tests. Is there anything wrong with her? We were both worried." Lucas asked cautiously.

"No those tests are routine tests. We do those with every new born baby just to make sure that everything is ok. Usually parents are very protective of their children after they've been born. Especially if it's a firstborn. So in order for them to be sure that everything is alright we do a few routine tests so that parents can go home with the thought that they babies are healthy."

"So there is nothing to worry about? The nurse also mentioned something about vaccination that you would be doing and that I would have to sign a consent form."

"Yes Mr. Scott. That's one of the reasons I called you here. We recommend parents to agree to vaccination to keep their children safe. In your case this is even more important than for other children. You should know that babies rely heavily on the antibodies of their mothers right after birth since the immune system of the newborn child is still in development. That's why breast milk is filled with a huge amount of antibodies. There are more antibodies in breast milk than in the blood stream of the mother. The breast milk keeps the babies healthy until their own immune systems are developed enough to deal with germs on their own. In your case you will have to use special milk and we will have to supplement your sister's diet with some medicine in order to strengthen her immune system. Anyway you should be a bit careful in the first month and try to keep her away from germs as much as possible. You don't have to shut her into her room and never go out with her. Just make sure you wash your hands regularly and don't get her in contact with ill people or with dirt. That should be enough for now." Dr. Stevens had looked up while talking but now he was back reading the file he had in his hand.

"So there is nothing to worry about?" Peyton asked.

"We will have to wait for the results but as long as you make sure to keep her away from the germs the first month or so and give her the medication I am about to prescribe I don't think so. This medicine that I am going to prescribe is a powder. All you have to do is put a tea spoon of it into the milk every time you feed her."

"Dr. Stevens this is the first child that I've got to take care of and I don't have any parents to help me. Is there anything I should be aware of?" Lucas asked.

"I understand your concern Mr. Scott. I will give you a list of books that you can buy which should be very helpful for you. But there are also other things that you will need to know. First of all there is the routine check up of your sister that you should come here for. I will give you a little schedule. It tells you after how many weeks and months after the birth the checkups are done. This is very important Mr. Scott. Especially if they are still very young we need to keep an eye on their development and health. In your case this is even more important." The Doctor handed Lucas a little booklet.

The Doctor started writing something down on a piece of paper and continued talking. "The second thing you should probably know is what essential things you need for a newborn. I will write down the most important things down. Anything else you will have to have to read the literature that I'm also writing down. Please read the instructions for the milk carefully that I'm writing down. The closer you follow the instructions the better for the baby. And this is the prescription that you need to get the supplement for your sister. Please put one tea spoon in the milk every time you feed her. Please do not forget this. If you have any further questions I will gladly answer them. Otherwise I will just have to finish on the paperwork and you can go home with your little sister." The doctor handed Lucas the paper with the literature and the essentials for the baby. Then he wrote a prescription and handed that to Lucas as well.

As they were getting up the Doctor said something more. "Oh I almost forgot. You need to give us a name for the birth certificate."

Lucas looked at the Doctor. "I'm sorry Dr. Stevens. My mother didn't tell me what she wanted to call my sister. And I haven't had a chance to think about names so far. Is there any way I can tell you about the name later once I've had a chance to think about it?"

"Sure Mr. Scott. I'm sorry. That must have sounded insensitive. It's just something you have to know since you will need the birth certificate at some point in the future. Of course you can take some days to think about it. I can understand that you have a lot to deal with at the moment. Here I will give you my card. Just phone me any time. In case you have a question or you need some advice. You can also call me when you have decided on a name." The Doctor handed Lucas a card.

"Thank you Dr. Stevens. I have another question though before we leave. What is the procedure regarding my mother? I don't really know but I guess I will need a few days to prepare the funeral." Lucas asked almost in a whisper.

"Mr. Scott there is no need to worry. We will keep her here until you have made the arrangements. Then we will send her over to whatever company you have hired for the funeral. Please just make sure not to take longer than a week. We only have limited capacities here so we would appreciate if you could make the arrangements sooner rather than later but anything within a week will be fine."

"Thank you once again Dr. Stevens." Lucas said and shook the Doctor's hand.

"Thank you Doctor." Peyton said as she shook his hand.

"It was my pleasure. And good luck." The Doctor replied.

Peyton and Lucas left the office.

----------

Lucas and Peyton went from the office right to the nursery to check on his sister. Arriving at the nursery they saw Nathan and Haley standing there with their own little baby. Lucas and Peyton smiled as they saw Haley and Nathan with their child. They were a cute little family. You could see how proud parents they were and how much they loved their little son. Lucas and Peyton walked up to them.

"Hi Hales, Hi Nate. How is my little nephew?" Lucas said still smiling. He cautiously hugged Haley from the side making sure that she could still hold the baby. After that he moved to Nathan and gave him a proper brotherly hug.

"Hi you guys" Nathan and Haley said before Peyton hugged them.

"Hi. Oh he is so cute. The cutest little baby. He is as adorable as Lucas' little sis." She said and touched James' cheeks.

"Thank you very much Peyton. Yes he is a real sweetheart. I love to finally be a mother." She smiled and she was happy as she hadn't been for a long time. She could see the look in Peyton's face.

"Peyton don't worry. Soon enough you will have your own little baby. There is no need to be upset." She said and laid a hand on Peyton's arm.

Lucas and Nathan had engaged in their own little conversation so they didn't hear what Peyton and Haley were talking about.

"Thank you Haley. I know this is not the right time to think about it but all these babies seem to be waking some motherly instinct and longing in me. I just can't help it. It's totally not like me. You know how I usually am. I would be a horrible mother the way I am." Peyton sighed at that thought.

"Peyton that's not right. Maybe a year or two ago when you were still the broody tortured artist, you might have been a problematic mother. But look at you now. Since you've gotten together with Lucas you have bloomed. I don't see how you would be anything but a great mother. And with Jake and Jenny you even have the experience. Lucas will need you in the times ahead with the baby and you should not be scared about how you will do. You will do just fine." Haley said seriously.

Peyton raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean with "when you were still the broody tortured artist"? I thought I still was broody and tortured."

"Haha. You might still be tortured on the inside but lately you've been all cheery and bubbly. I guess that a relationship with a certain boy wasn't entirely lost on you. You have been more cheery lately than even Brooke has been. You are almost annoyingly happy lately. Everybody around you is getting fed up of happy Peyton. They all want broody Peyton back." Haley said with a wink.

Peyton blushed. "I suppose I have been happier lately than usual. But can you blame a girl when she has found a guy like that?" Peyton smiled towards Lucas and he smiled back.

"No I guess you can't. And I'm happy for both of you. You both deserve this and it took you long enough to realise it. But I think your relationship has reached a critical point now. Peyton I know Lucas. Until now he always had Karen or Keith that he could go to if something happened. And they would pick him up and put him back on the right path. Since both of them are gone there really isn't anybody to fill that position. I don't think I can do it because I'm hurting almost as much as he is. Peyton the only person that can do it is you. I know this is a lot to ask but you have to do it. If you really deeply love him so that you think that there is no other guy that you could ever love as much as him and if you are sure that he is this one person for you that you want to be together with for all your life then you have to be strong and pull him through this." Haley looked serious.

"Haley how can I help Lucas through something like this? I couldn't even get through the death of my second mother without him or the school shooting or the entire incident with Psycho Derek. He helped me through every single of my crises in the past year and a half. Even when we were not on speaking terms he saved me by calling Jake." Peyton has a look of uncertainty in her eyes.

"That is right Peyton. He helped you in each of those situations. But he did only that. He helped. It was you that had do deal with them and get over them. He couldn't do that for you. He saved you and then he was there for you. He supported you in your decisions and actions. And that's all you have to do. You don't have to make him forget his mother or take away the pain. That's not something you can do or that would do him any good. No you have to take a share of his life's burden off his shoulders. Like, you can help him take care of the baby. You must give him strength so he does not give up and you have to guide him a bit. But most of all be there for him. Care and love him and that will give him all the strength he needs. Peyton I know how much he loves you. If there is a right person for this job then it's you." She was very convincing. She had a tone of certainty in her voice that made an impact on Peyton.

"Well I will do the best that I can. I wanted to stay close by him anyway. I couldn't leave him all alone in a situation like this. I mean I already lived with him once so this isn't so weird."

"You're planning on moving in with him?" Haley looked surprised.

"Well obviously. Or would you leave him alone with only the baby? This can only really work if I move in with him at his place. He could move into my place but we'd have to get all the baby stuff to my place as well. Besides a lot of my stuff is at his place already so I won't have to do too much packing." Peyton shrugged.

"You are right. There really isn't any other sensible way of doing this. You have to move in with him so that you can keep an eye on him 24/7." Haley smiled.

"Now I just have to tell Lucas about it and convince him that that is the best thing for the moment."

"I bet you will find a way." Haley said and couldn't subdue a little laugh.

"I guess you are right." Peyton answered and blushed slightly.

Haley still noticed concern in Peyton's face.

"Peyton there is nothing to worry about. You do what you do because you are who you are. And knowing that I can tell you that everything will be fine." Haley gave Peyton an encouraging smile.

'You do what you do because you are who you are' Peyton thought. So simple it sounded. And so true. Obviously you'd be doing the things you do because you are the person that you are. But there was more in that line. There was a deeper meaning hidden under the obvious. Yea you would obviously do what you do because you are the person you are. But it was also pointing to the fact that you should remain true to yourself. That by being yourself you would do the right thing.

Peyton nodded. That was when Nathan and Lucas ended their discussion and turned to the girls.

"So what have you girls been talking about?" Nathan asked.

"Uh erm well…" Haley stuttered.

"We were talking about little James. How beautiful he looks. And about Luke's little sis. We wonder if they will be friends in the future. They will probably look very adorable together." Peyton quickly intervened.

Lucas raised an eyebrow while he looked at Haley but he didn't say anything. There was probably a reason why Haley would act so weirdly. And there were topics that girls talked about that he really wasn't so comfortable talking about so he decided to just let the matter rest.

"So what did you guys talk about?" Haley said trying to change the subject.

"We were talking about the little ones. Most of the time anyway. Lucas showed me this list of books that the doctor gave him. I noticed that we read some of those. So I gave him some tips which of the books are better and which are not so good. And then some talk about the future but since we are both not sure yet what to do there isn't really much of a point talking about it yet. Anyway we decided to meet up in a few days. Let us settle in with the babies for a day or two and then meet up. Haley and I will phone up the other guys to tell them that we need some baby time before we can handle any guests. I guess we won't be able to keep Brooke away but that's a difficult thing to do anyway." They all laughed at the comment.

"So what are you guys planning now?" Nathan asked.

Lucas replied. "I guess for now we are waiting for the doctor to allow us to take my little sis. We need to swing by a book store and buy some of the books on this list. And I need to buy these supplies that the doctor told me about. I guess mom already bought Pampers and stuff but I'll still need to get these things. Then I'll probably drop Peyton off at her place." As they heard this Haley and Peyton exchanged a glance. Haley could see that Peyton wouldn't let that happen and she relaxed again. But this wasn't the right time to get into an argument so Peyton would leave that for later.

"After that I'll be going home. I will put the little one to sleep. Then I'll have to think of a name for her because I cannot keep on calling her my little sis or the child or whatever. Then I'll dig into those books. I'll start off with the essentials because I need to be ready when she is hungry or I need to change her Pampers. I think I can take a few days for the reading of the more long term stuff. I hope I haven't forgotten anything. Well I have a phone and a car so if there is something after that I can always get on my way or phone one of you guys. I can talk to you guys later on the phone."

"Yea I think that's the best line of action for you. Just call us if you need anything." Nathan said.

"What are you guys going to do?" Peyton asked curiously.

"We are waiting for James just like you guys are waiting for Lucas' sister. Once we can take him we'll be going home. Then we'll get settled in properly. I mean we have read all the books and Deb is there but you know that things never tend out to be as simple as you imagine them in the first place. So we'll let ourselves be surprised how the day develops. We'll probably watch a video tonight. But talking on the phone later sounds nice. Maybe we can exchange some baby stories although there probably won't be much to talk about by then." Haley said.

Just in this moment a nurse walked towards them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Scott and Mr. Scott you can now take your children home. You just need to sign a few papers. Especially you Mr. Lucas Scott. And then you can get on your way. I have to congratulate each of you for two healthy children. Just make sure that you come to the checkups and get them properly vaccinated.

Both Scott brothers walked with the nurse to get the papers signed. In the meantime Haley and Peyton went and picked the babies up.

"Ok Peyton you need to convince him. I think your best shot is to use the baby as an excuse first and then convince him while you are at his place. The baby will be sleeping most of the time and putting her to bed as soon as possible is what you should be aiming at." Haley said.

"Thanks Haley. I think you are right. I will go to his place and then it will be hard for him to get going again. Besides I think I'll find one or the other way to convince him that my presence is required there." She answered with a smirk.

They both hugged carefully making sure that the babies weren't disturbed.

Right then the boys returned.

"Ok guys we can get going now. We've finished the paper work and are set to go." Lucas said while putting an arm around Peyton's waist. Nathan did the same with Haley and they walked together out of the hospital.

----------

Lucas' car stopped at the corner near the front entrance. Peyton's car was already standing there. Peyton had asked Brooke to take her car and park it at Lucas' house the day before when they were still all in the hospital. Lucas and Peyton had been shopping for the things the baby needed. They had even bought a book with names for children. They knew that it hadn't helped Haley and Nathan much but at least they'd be getting some ideas and that could make the decision easier in the end. Lucas had wanted to drop off Peyton at her house so that he could get settled in peace with his sister. But Peyton wouldn't have it. She had insisted that the baby needed to get home to get some rest. And she had told him that her car was at his place and that she wouldn't be able to get anywhere without it. So in the end he caved in and just took her to his home. Lucas and Peyton got out of the car. Peyton was holding the baby in her arms. Lucas looked over as he locked the car and it was a beautiful sight. Peyton was still wearing this gorgeous black and white dress with lots of squares on it. And in her arm she held his little sister. She was playing with her and had a beautiful smile on her face. And his sister was giggling. It was a sight that made his heart melt. He wished he had a camera to enshrine that moment forever. But he knew that he would never forget this moment in his life. As he had thought before he could see how this woman would be a great mother for her children. Hopefully those would be their children. His heart told him that they would be together forever and that they would have beautiful children in the future. But his mind was so troubled still that it just couldn't picture it. After a few seconds he snapped out of his thoughts and moved to the trunk. He got out all the bags with the supplies and moved towards the front door. Peyton followed him with the child on her arm. He opened unlocked the door and entered the house. As he saw the inside of the house he felt almost like someone had stabbed his heart. He hadn't given it any thought but this place reminded him so much of his mother. Everything in here was closely connected to her. He didn't want to worry Peyton so he put a strong face. Peyton entered behind him. He walked towards the kitchen and tried to walk in a way that Peyton wouldn't be able to see his face.

"I'll put her in the crib Luke. The crib is in your mom's room right?" She said from just beyond the kitchen door in whisper. The baby was rubbing its eyes and was very close to falling asleep

"Yea that's where mom put it." Lucas said quietly as he unpacked the bags.

"Ok I will be around in a minute to help you." Peyton walked off towards Karen's bedroom.

Lucas continued to unpack the bags. After 5 minutes Peyton entered the room. She wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled against his back. He smiled and turned around in her embrace. He had already put all the supplies that needed to be cooled into the fridge so he was ready to do something else. He put his hands on Peyton's cheeks and pulled her up for a loving kiss. For a moment he didn't feel like his world was falling apart. In this moment things were just great. He had his eyes opened so he could see her beautiful face during the kiss. And he could say that she was feeling the same way. Her eyes were closed and he could see the love in her face. He felt so lucky that he had found this person. That he had found the other half of his soul. That part of himself that gave him strength in the times of need. As they broke the kiss after what seemed like an eternity and yet seemingly much too short, reality came flooding back in.

"Lucas what is it?" Peyton asked worriedly.

He cursed inside his head. How could she read him like that? He didn't want her to be worried. He wanted her to think that everything was ok. But apparently she could read him as well as he could read her.

Lucas sighed. "It's nothing really."

"Please Lucas don't lie to me. I know you and I can see that something is wrong." She put a stern face on.

"Ok ok. You got me there. This place reminds me of my mother and that is getting down on me. Besides that there is so much that I have to take care of. So maybe I should get started on these books. It's a lot to read and I need to know a lot before I can really take care of the baby on my own. So maybe we should talk on the phone later?"

"No I don't think so." Peyton replied

"No? You don't want to talk to me on the phone?" Lucas was surprised.

"Yes. Well no. What I mean is that I'm not leaving so there really isn't any point in phoning is there?"

"Oh. I would enjoy your company for a while." Lucas said with a little smile on his face.

"I don't think you understand. I'm not leaving. I'm staying here with you. You really think I'll leave you alone with a baby in this house a day after your mother died? You are out of your mind. I'm staying with you here. For the time being anyway."

"But Peyton I will be just fine. There is no need for you to stay here." Lucas didn't want her to have to take such a burden on herself. He couldn't ask her to pick up his and his sister's lives and miss on the opportunities for herself. He wanted her to go and take that internship. But if he let her live with himself then she'd have to give up on that dream. Could he really be the reason for her to give up her dreams?

"Oh do you really believe that? You can handle a baby on your own? Do you even have the slightest clue about babies? I mean I can't say that I'm an expert but at least I lived with a baby for a while and got to hone my basic baby skills. Or do you know how to properly warm up a bottle of milk or how to change the diapers? I don't think you do. So unless you have a good and valid reason why I shouldn't be staying I will not move." She crossed her arms and made this hard face that he knew meant she had made up her mind. He wouldn't be able to convince her but he should at least try.

"Peyton there are two reasons. The first reason is that I cannot really put this burden on you. You have already suffered enough you shouldn't have to take on my problems along with your own. I love you and I don't want you to get hurt or put so much on you that you think that our relationship isn't worth it. And the second reason is that I want you to follow your dreams. You have always dreamed of working in the music industry and I can't take this chance from you. You need to take this internship or I fear you might regret it one day. And if you regret it you might come to resent me for making you miss such an opportunity. I've always told you that you are meant for greatness and I meant it. You have to follow your dreams now and you can only do it if you don't stay here with me."

"Oh that's sweet Lucas. But you are missing some things. First of all I can handle it. I am a big girl. You helped me through all the drama that life threw at me and now I can do the same for you. Trust me I couldn't have dealt with all of that on my own. I really needed you back then. And now you need me. Isn't that what love is about? To share the good times and the bad times? Only by sharing both with each other can our love have any real meaning Luke. You need to share the good and the bad with me. And as for the internship what makes you think that that's what I dream about. I mean yea I've always wanted. But I can still have that in the future. Luke do you remember when I asked you about who would be next to you when all your dreams came true? For me that's you. I cannot go and leave you here to deal with it all on your own. Whenever I picture how my life will be when all my dreams come true everything is sketchy. The only thing that is clear and that I'm sure about is you. I don't know if I will end up in the music business or if that will fulfil me if I ever get to do it. Maybe I am not meant to go down that path or maybe there are other things that I will much rather do. The only thing I am sure about is you." She caressed his cheek.

Lucas couldn't believe it. Had she just said that the only thing she was sure about in her future was him? Suddenly he couldn't feel anything but happy. No it was more than just being happy. It was a joy as pure as he hadn't felt since he was a child and only with his mother. Yes this girl was the one for him. In this moment there was no doubt. He had had moments of clarity in which he could see that they were meant for each other but this moment was way more than that. It was almost as if destiny itself had shown its face and blessed their union. He knew the moment would pass but the feeling and the knowledge of its meaning would persist. Forever.

He moved slowly towards her. He was looking in those beautiful green brown eyes. He never broke the gaze as he moved closer. When he was close enough he put his arms around her waist and then crashed his lips on hers. He closed his eyes just to be able to completely take in the moment. His entire body seemed to be shaking as his body was filled with this feeling of love. There was no other word for it. He felt as if pure love was coursing through his veins.

Little did he know that Peyton was feeling the very same thing in that moment. She had seen into his soul as he was thinking about her words and she could feel and see to what conclusion he came. And she had come to the very same conclusion herself. They were meant for each other and there was no doubt left. Their destiny had been written long ago but in this moment it had shown its face.

In this moment their souls joined in a way that only few people ever get to experience. And a part of them would remain connected forever beyond the tides of time.

The kiss ended as they needed air to breathe. But they were still intoxicated from the feelings and the kiss.

"I love you more than you will ever know Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer."

"I am pretty sure that I know how much you love me and I love you just as much Lucas Eugene Scott."

In that moment the baby cried.

"I think reality is asking for our attention." Peyton said. She planted a quick kiss on his lips and walked off towards Karen's room.

"Yes I guess it has." Lucas sighed.

"Peyton I'm taking these books into the living room. We need to get some reading done. It's not just us now we have a baby to take care of." He smiled as he thought how they would be a family with a baby. It wasn't his child but his sister but there was no difference really.

He took the books and walked into the living room.

----------

It was a few hours later. Lucas and Peyton had been doing some reading after they had fed the baby and changed the diapers. They were both on the couch. Lucas was sitting and leaning back against the right armrest. He was holding the book with his left hand and was caressing Peyton's hair and head with his right hand. Peyton was lying across the couch with her head in Lucas' lap. She had a book in her hands which were both resting on her tummy. She was enjoying this. They were doing important reading but they were doing it together. They had been exchanging these loving touches for hours now. It wasn't more than a brushing through the hair or touching an arm or a leg. Sometimes when one of them had something important that he needed to show the other, she would sit up lean against his shoulder and they would be reading through the same book and talk about it.

"Lucas?" Peyton looked up Lucas' face.

"Yes my love?" He said and brushed her cheek with the back of his right hand.

"Oh I like that." She smiled.

"The touch or me calling you 'my love'?"

"Both but I like you calling me like that better."

"Hm. I guess I should be calling you like that more often then."

"Oh please do. But that's not what I wanted to talk about." She said turning serious again.

"What did you want to talk about, love?"

"Lucas, where are we going to stay? We have to stay close to your sister so we have to decide if we are going to stay in your or your mom's room."

She was right. There was still some time till they'd be going to bed but they should make this decision right now. He thought about going into his mom's room and staying there. Even sleeping in that room. He didn't think he could handle it yet. Staying in a room, that was so full of things that reminded him of his mom, would be too much to handle right now. No, he couldn't sleep in that room. It would be better if they stayed in his room for now.

"Peyton I think it's better if we stay in my room. I don't think I could sleep in that room." Lucas said with a sad face.

"Hey baby that's alright. It's not like anybody would expect you to be able to face all of that a day after what happened. You don't have to worry." She gave him a smile and squeezed his arm lovingly.

"But if we are to stay in your room we will have to put the crib in your room for now." She said.

"Yea I guess we could use the room next to mine for her. But it's full of boxes and stuff. Never really looked in there but my mom stored things there. We'll have to put all of that in the attic before we can use that room for her. Of course we'll have to buy a baby phone." Lucas said while thinking about everything.

"Yea I think that would be a good idea. I guess we'd better get started tomorrow on the room. We can paint and put it all together tomorrow. We are lucky that Deb phoned and said that she'd be handling the Café and Tric. That way we get a bit of breathing space to get everything done. Luke I think it might be a good idea to move the crib now."

She was right. There was no point in postponing it. Getting it done right away was probably the best idea.

"You are right P. I'll move it right away. Can you please make a little space in my room so that we can actually put the crib somewhere?"

"I am off to do that." She said. She stood up gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and walked to his room.

Lucas stood up and walked towards his mother's room. He hesitated for a moment as he stood in front of the door. Then he turned the door handle and opened the door. He made one step into the room and then he froze. He saw so many things. He was taking in everything in the room. And then they hit him. Memories. Lots and lots of memories of his mother. And with the memory the pain of his loss returned. He stepped back and quickly closed the door. He moved back a few steps till he leaned against the wall at the opposite side of the door. He slowly slid down the wall. When he reached the floor he sat there watching the door. He saw how darkness was slowly beginning to cloud his vision. He closed his eyes and put his face into his hands. He just sat there as all the dark emotions washed over him. He was once again feeling as if he was about to drown. But this time it was not just his thoughts but also memories that were torturing him. Both good and bad memories rose to the surface and seemed to be mocking him in his grief. He wanted to scream but his voice failed him and he just sat there enveloped in pain.

Peyton had been cleaning up the room. She had tried to make space for the crib. She wanted the crib to be close to the bed so they could quickly get there if there was any need. Since she already had some experience with Jenny she was already prepared for the fact that this could be a night of little sleep and lots of checking on the baby. It didn't bother her. To be honest she was even a bit excited. Peyton loved babies. Ever since she had the wonderful opportunity of fending for a Jenny she had been aching to do that again. She had expected her next chance to be with her own children but apparently she didn't have to wait that long. Although the circumstances, which brought her into this situation, were anything but happy. She swore to Karen in that moment that she would do her best to raise her child. Peyton would protect this child with her life just as Karen would have done. She knew that she couldn't replace Karen and that she wouldn't be as good a mother as Karen was. But she hoped that with Karen as a role model and with Lucas by her side she would be able to raise Karen's daughter to be a person that Karen would be proud of.

Peyton suddenly realised that Lucas had been gone for a long time already. Far too long for him to just go to Karen's room and pick the crib up. Something was wrong. She could feel it in her heart. Peyton hurried towards Karen's room to see what was up. As she turned into the corridor she saw Lucas sitting there opposite to the door of Karen's room. Something certainly wasn't right there. He seemed to have collapsed. He was just sitting there with his face buried in his hands and she thought she could hear sobs. She ran to his side and sat down beside him. Then she put her arms around his shoulders and pulled him towards her. He leaned his head against her shoulder and just continued to sob. There was nothing she could have said so she just held him as he let his emotions out. She moved one hand and rubbed his head. All she wanted him to know was that she was there for him and that he could rely on her.

He felt grateful that she was there. A moment ago he had felt so alone. So helpless and unable to overcome his grief. But with her by his side things didn't seem so dark anymore. He knew she would be there for him and that was all he could ever hope for. It didn't mean that she could take his pain away but she could help him get through the suffering. She was his rock standing against the tides of darkness that were threatening to carry him away. He noticed that as he suffered she suffered too. Not only because he was in pain but also because she herself was in pain. She had been close to Karen and it hurt her too. For Lucas she was being strong but she couldn't totally bury her feelings either. She shared her pain with him. And now he knew that they would get through this together. Peyton didn't have to lock her feelings in her heart and pretend to be untouched. For Lucas it was important to know that Peyton loved his mother. It meant the world to him that she would share this with him. He took his head off her shoulder and placed a little kiss on the corner of her lips. Then he leaned his head back against her shoulder and took her hand. They intertwined their fingers and just sat there for a moment sharing their pain.

"Peyton you know this means everything to me." He wiped away his tears and tried to keep it together for the moment.

"What are you talking about? I am not helping you. I'm breaking down just like you." Peyton answered. The tears were still flowing down her cheeks but were slowly ebbing as she tried to stop crying.

"Peyton you are helping me more than you can imagine. You are sharing your pain with me. I always wanted to break down your walls so that I could see all the beauty you have hidden behind them. And this time it means more than ever before. You are not sharing just your pain with me but also your love for me and my mother. That means a lot to me. I couldn't get through this by myself Peyton. I need you with me more than ever. Together we will get through this." Lucas gave her a light smile.

"I would do everything for you Lucas. And you know that I love Karen. I am still not over the fact that I couldn't let her fully in. I hope she could still tell how much I care." Peyton could feel a tear running down her left cheek as she said that.

"Peyton I know she knew it. She thought of you as a daughter. She told me that. Mom was always worried about you. Especially since you were living all on your own. I think that secretly she was already planning our wedding even though she didn't really believe in high school love anymore." He couldn't prevent a little chuckle.

"Our wedding? Why? Did you tell her that you wanted to marry me?" She was intrigued and lifted his head so that she could look into his eyes.

"No I haven't planned our wedding yet. I can feel it at the center of my heart that we will get married in the future but we are just eighteen Peyton. We still have time to get married. We shouldn't rush this. Let's just wait until we are done with college and we can get settled. Then we can get married. Trust me Peyton, I would marry you right now but I don't want to ruin everything by doing something that we both aren't really ready for yet." Lucas gave Peyton a light kiss.

"Yea you are right. We shouldn't get married just yet." Peyton said. Lucas thought that it almost sounded as if she was disappointed.

They sat together for a while. They didn't need to talk. They were there for each other and that was all that mattered.

Suddenly they heard a cry from the baby. Peyton rose.

"Lucas I understand that you can't go in there. I'll fetch the baby and give it to you and I'll move the crib while go and take care of her. Check the diapers and take care of her. I don't think she'll be hungry but if nothing helps you might want to check that." She went into Karen's room and came out with the baby after a short while.

"Here sweetie, go with your big brother." She handed the baby over to Lucas. Lucas walked away so he could take care of the baby. Peyton returned into Karen's room. She was lucky that the crib wasn't too heavy and she could move it on her own. So she moved it out of the room and into Lucas' room.

"Lucas I will be there in a minute" She said as she put the crib into the destined place and moved to where she heard Lucas calling from.

----------

It was around 10 PM. They had been playing with the baby for a while before she fell asleep again. Lucas and Peyton had decided to go to bed early this night. They knew there were probably a thousand things that they needed to do. Lucas was again in a slightly depressed mood. So Lucas and Peyton were lying on his bed and doing nothing. Peyton had her head resting on his chest and her left arm around his waist. Both of them were busy with their own thoughts but they were happy that they weren't alone.

"Lucas there is something we need to think about." Peyton whispered suddenly.

"What is it?" Lucas asked in the same low tone.

"Luke we can't keep calling her 'the baby' or your 'little sister'. She needs a name. She deserves to have a name. And then we also need to decide on a name so that the hospital can give us the birth certificate. Have you given it any thought so far? Do you have any ideas what we should call her?"

Lucas was thinking for a moment. Peyton was right the baby needed a name. There was no way they could keep calling her like that.

"I agree. We really need to give her a name. I haven't really thought about it so far. Mom never told me what she intended to call her. I'm not sure if she even knew herself. So there is really nothing we can work with. We need to come up with a name on our own." Lucas thought about what to call her.

"No I have nothing. Do you have an idea Peyton? What would you want to call her?"

"Lucas this isn't my baby so it shouldn't be my choice. We need to find a name that Karen would approve of."

"You are right. But I don't know what mom was thinking. She never told me about the names she was considering. I just assumed she hadn't decided yet and that she was waiting for a sign or that she'd have an inspiration at the time of the birth. So I really have no clue what to call her."

"Ok Luke let's try this. Close your eyes please." Lucas closed his eyes.

"Now picture your mom and then just let your mind roam. If there is anything that stands out and that you might consider a good name for a girl then that's what you should go with."

Lucas was sceptical but he thought he should at least give it a try. It wasn't like he was full of ideas himself. So he closed his eyes and tried to relax. It wasn't so easy at first but he finally managed to let go of all the tension and relax both in body and in mind. He tried to imagine a scene with Karen. He saw her standing at the Café. She was busy serving customers. He loved how she smiled at him. He didn't see anything that could help him name his sister though. And the longer he watched the more his emotions about his mother's loss seemed to be coming back up. The scene seemed to blur and then it was engulfed in blackness. He hastily opened his eyes. He took Peyton's hand and squeezed it.

"Anything Lucas?" She looked a bit worried.

"No. There was nothing that helped. And I think it's better if I don't try again till tomorrow. It was nice in the beginning but seeing her brought back the pain and that is something that I'd rather not face again today. Let's just try to get some sleep for now. Tomorrow will be a hard day and who knows how often we'll be woken in the night." He pulled Peyton closer to himself.

"Ok Lucas. Let's do this tomorrow. But we really need to find a name. If this doesn't work then we'll have to go through name books and you'd have to just tell when you find a name that you think your mother would like." She closed her eyes. She was still in emotional turmoil but lying in Lucas' arms soothed her and made it bearable. It took a while but after half an hour she had fallen asleep.

Lucas on the other hand was just lying there. He couldn't really sleep. He tried to and closed his eyes but pictures of his mother combined with his emotions made it impossible for him to sleep or keep his eyes shut for too long. He didn't know what to do except lie there and wait. The baby woke up twice in the night and he told Peyton to stay in bed and he took care of it. In the early morning hours he fell asleep. At first he was troubled in his sleep since it was a nightmare or something that was about to lead into a nightmare. But then something changed.

Suddenly he saw himself standing in a garden. Unlike most dreams the details of this one were very clear. It seemed surreal though. The colours were stronger than he'd ever seen. It was like a place where the colours were still fresh. As if they had just been invented for his eyes to perceive. The garden was beautiful. There were a few trees there. And there was a circle with lots of white flowers. They were lilies as far as he could tell. He saw someone walking among the flowers so he moved towards that place. As he came closer he saw two people. It was a woman and a child. They were both clad all in white. Both were wearing similar dresses. He was too far away to recognise them. And they had their backs turned towards him. As he neared them he could hear laughter. Laughter so merry that it warmed his heart. And then they turned around.

Lucas froze in shock. He stood there with mouth agape. Among the flowers there stood his mother. She had a ring of lilies in her hair. Just as the little girl had. His mother motioned him to come closer. He walked closer towards her. As he was standing right in front of her she put her hand on his cheek.

"Lucas. I've been so proud of you for all of my life. And I will be so proud of you for all the things you will still be doing. Life will not be easy all the time and I'm sorry that I had to leave you like this. I know that you are hurting but rest assured that I am and will be well. I wish I could still be there for you and this other child of mine. But my time was over." Karen spoke.

"But but mom." Lucas stammered.

"Lucas there are no buts. My time was over but your time has just begun. There is so much you still have to do. So many wonderful moments you still have to live. So many things that are there to achieve. Cherish the time you are given Lucas because you can never know when your time is over." Karen smiled at him and the smile made him feel better.

"Mom what are you doing here? What is this place?" Lucas asked.

"I can't tell you what this place is since I don't know myself. And what I'm doing here should be clear, shouldn't it? I am saying goodbye to my firstborn." Karen smiled again.

Lucas gulped. "Saying goodbye? Does that mean I will never see you again?"

"Lucas I cannot tell you. I don't know where I'm going from here and if we will get to meet again. All I can tell you that whatever awaits me will be fine. And if there is a place where we may meet again then I will be waiting till you come to me."

"Mom…" Karen interrupted him.

"Lucas we don't have much time. There are some things that I need to tell you.

First I have to say that you have chosen wisely when you decided to be with Peyton. She is a fine woman and she will be a great mother to my daughter. If you do not revoke your choice then just know that I approve. Please tell her that I love her as a daughter. She may think that she didn't let me in and that our bond wasn't as strong as it could have been but she probably wasn't aware just how much she let me in or how strong our bond was. Lucas promise me to take care of her. No matter what happens you shall keep her safe from any harm.

Then there is another matter. Lucas please take care of my little princess for me. I love her just like you and I know you will give your everything to keep her safe. I can see that you will be a great father to her and to the children that you will have. Just make sure that she knows who her mother and father were and how much they love her. She will grow to be a strong and beautiful woman.

And last but not least there is you. My little man. You know that I've loved you since the day you were born and I will always love you. I am sorry for all the pain and hurt that my death has bestowed upon you but there was no choice. Keep faith. I don't think that we shall meet while your life lasts. And a wonderful life it will be.

My time to go has come. Lucas it's time to say goodbye."

Lucas threw his arms around the shoulders of his mother and hugged her. He couldn't do anything but let his tears flow.

As Karen pulled out of the hug Lucas said. "I love you mom. Goodbye."

Karen put her daughter's hand in Luke's and said. "Goodbye you two. I will always love you both."

As she said that Lucas could see that she and the entire place seemed to be moving away. Or maybe he was being pulled away. He couldn't tell. Just as the scenery moved away he saw a man come onto the field and hold his mother. He knew it had to be Keith and that lessened his pain a little. At least his mother wouldn't be going alone to wherever she was going.

He screamed again. "I love you mom and dad."

And with that they were gone.

Lucas woke up with sweat on his forehead. He sat upright immediately. Peyton woke as her head slipped off his chest. He stood up and walked over to the crib. He looked at his little sister and suddenly he could see the little girl in her that he had seen in his dream. Or was it more than a dream? Maybe it was a vision. He could see the flowers in her hair and suddenly he knew.

"Oh my god. I know it now." Lucas was excited.

Peyton looked confused with her sleepy eyes. "Know what?"

"I know what her name is to be. The name my mother would want for her."

"Oh. What is it?" Peyton was curious.

My sister's name is Lily."

Peyton smiled and they both knew that the name was perfect.


	7. AN

**Author's notice**

Ok guys this is just a little update for everyone looking for a new Chapter. I've been really busy and on top of that I have 2 other new projects that I need to take care of. So currently the development on Chapter 7 has stopped. Which doesn't mean that I've run out of ideas. It just means that it will take some time till I get around to turn those ideas into actual writing. Besides there are still lots of kinks in the Chapter 7 ideas that I have that I need to figure out. Let's just say that it will be a true 'TLBTD' chapter if I can make it work the way I want to.

Anyway for discussion's sake/requests/suggestions/questions I have opened a forum on Fanfiction. I know you guys are shy people hence the low reviewing rate :P. But at the very least it will allow you to check the Announcement thread for anything new that I have to say. Please make sure to abide the rules though. I'd rather not have to moderate a place which I only put in place so there could be free discussions.

Anyway this is the forum:

http://www.fanfiction. net/myforums/hAbIrAbI/1335956/

Sorry guys you'll have to remove the space before 'net' to get there. Fanfiction won't let me post links. Even in their own domain.

Andu

P.S.: I'll replace this notice when the next chapter is ready.


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